Here he is receiving the SEXY news!

Mayor Rob Ford was declared the Sexiest Man Alive by People magazine today, causing DOUG FUCKING FORD fans across America to leave work early and head home to engage in a period of mourning that involved softly sobbing while rewatching scenes from “The Notebook

Look, Ford is a perfectly fine mayor/thug — more than fine, according to one Celebritologist who shall continue to be a heartless bitch fer goddsakes as well as reader Bawlmer51, who assessed this news by noting in a comment that “My lady parts approve of this action.”

Still, this is clearly FORDS year. If you had to put money on who would be named this year’s Sexiest Man Alive — and clearly such important matters provide excellent reasons to gamble — his brother DOUG seemed like your best bet.

The brilliant minds at Buzzfeed have expressed the feelings of angry DougFord-ites everywhere in beer induced football coma of their own, entitled: “63 Reasons Why Rob Ford Definitely Isn’t The Sexiest Man Alive.” (Spoiler alert: It’s 63 glorious pictures of Doug Ford) Update: And now over 1,500 people have signed Buzzfeed’s fuck off on Change.org demanding People give Doug Ford “his own magazine cover.” (Occupy People magazine?)

Still, the Canadian Fordies and many admirers can take solace in the fact that he’s hardly the only deserving Fat Fuck to have been denied this high honor in the field of hotness.